Every Time A Door Opens, Something Stupid Happens
posted on Thursday, November 05, 2009 in Movie Reviews
If there is a drawback to the independent digital film movement, it is that films like I Love Dreamguyz get made. Mainstream director Joel Lamangan has brought his lack of finesse and intense cynicism to local independent cinema, producing films that serve no other purpose than to cash in on the growing market for exploitation films that feature plenty of naked bodies, gay sex, and no redeeming value. There is an argument to be made about commercial viability and its legitimacy in this marketplace, but that’s beyond the realm of what ought to be discussed here. The main issue of this film is simple: every time a door opens, something stupid happens. Five young men are granted the chance to work in Japan as entertainers. While their requirements get processed, they spend a few months together, rehearsing their act and bonding as friends. Issues arise to complicate things, however. Jake (Jay-L Dizon), who has a girlfriend, starts a passionate affair with Rico (Marco Morales). Michael (Mhyco Aquino) is trying to hide the fact that he’s been to Japan before, working under a different name. Benjo (Miggy Valdez) is dealing with an abusive stepfather. The group’s manager Didi (Jao Mapa) falls for a multi level marketing scam, and becomes the scapegoat of several of the victims. Along the way, many doors are opened, and many stupid things happen.
There’s really no point to breaking down the story, since it only exists as a platform for the movie’s sex scenes. If we tried to really analyze it, we’d come to the conclusion that it was written by someone who doesn’t really know anything about humans and how they interact. All you really need to know about the plot is that the opening of a door invariably leads to something boneheaded happening. There will be somebody at that door who shows up for no real logical reason. Or there will be a character we’ve never seen or heard of before, showing up out of nowhere, and dramatic music will play as if they matter. Or the NBI will show up and arrest Didi despite him being a victim of the scam as well. Or a Japanese woman you’ve been lying to will suddenly offer to have a threesome with you and your wife. Or someone will announce that they’re pregnant. And so on. Any time a scene gets a little sticky or slow, a door will open to introduce a wildcard to the situation. It doesn’t have to make sense or anything. All of this door opening and stupidity is accompanied by one of the most hilariously inappropriate scores I have ever heard. Listen to the dramatic crescendo that comes with Didi’s multi level marketing pitch. Marvel at the faux-Spaghetti Western horse clopping and solo trumpet that bring color to one of the many sex scenes. Lamangan does have a flair for drama, but he applies the same rules to every one of his scenes, turning them all into mini soap operas.
The people who show up at these doors and commit all the stupidity deserve some of the blame as well, their performances strange and alien. They announce all their lines, every piece of dialogue delivered in the same upward lilt that suggests exclamation. It doesn’t help them at all that their lines are dubbed, whatever mojo they were working during the actual shoot not translating well to the voices they would record days later.
I do want to mention one other thing about this movie other than its stupid door motif. Early in the film, we meet Rico’s mother, who has Alzheimer’s. The movie plays a tender bit of music, and Marco Morales puts on a sad face, because Alzheimer’s is a serious problem that can cause a lot of pain for the family. Later in the film, Jake becomes a boarder at Rico’s house, and Rico tells him that he’ll introduce him to his mom in the morning, since she’s already asleep. In one of the most amazingly horrible lines in the history of cinema, Rico’s younger brother tells Jake that it’s okay, since she won’t remember him anyway. And they laugh, because Alzheimer’s is funny. And that is what we’re dealing with here.
My Rating:
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